Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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