he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
