Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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