did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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