is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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