I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
