I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
