if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
