i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
