Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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