he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I cut my penus on the lid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
