I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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