Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
