Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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