btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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