Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
