There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
