hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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