the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I died a long time ago.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
