The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
