I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
