You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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