so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
