party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
