if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
