I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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