I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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