I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
