Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
