I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
