i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
