I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
