That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
