So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize