i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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