problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
