decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
