i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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