The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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