Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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