I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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