Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
