Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
