I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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