then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is the high leading the old right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
