i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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