Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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