We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
