Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
