I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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