you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize