in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
