I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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