TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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