Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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