i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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