Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm both gender and math confused
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
