I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
