I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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