This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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