At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
