New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
