i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
