Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
