First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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