i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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