Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
